Why We Pick Difficult Partners

By | February 1, 2018

In theory, we’re nowadays allowed to get together with pretty much anyone we like.
And yet, at a psychological level, we aren’t free to love just any suitable person.
We have a type and strangely and awkwardly, these types are often not those who stand a chance of making us maximally happy.

Theoretically we are free to select the kind of person we love. We might have chosen someone else.
We’re not being forced into this by social convention or match-making aunts or dynastic imperatives.
But in reality our choice is probably a lot less free than we imagine.
Some very real constraints around whom we can love and feel properly attracted to come from a place we might not think to look: our childhoods.
Our psychological history strongly predisposes us to fall for only certain types of people.

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